Do you have the mindset for concealed carry?

Woman concealed carry by car

I had a situation happen to me recently that led me to question whether or not I had the proper mindset for concealed carry.

I was driving down a busy city street and as I approached an intersection, I accidentally cut too close in front of a white panel van.  I waved “sorry” to the guy behind me, who was clearly upset and yelling at me through his windshield.

Then, sitting there at the stoplight, I hear a loud pounding on my drivers-side window, and it’s the guy from the van who is standing next to my window screaming at me. And as I’m sitting there, with my concealed carry handgun right next to me tucked between the seat and the console, I just keep telling the guy “I’m sorry,” in the hopes he’ll just get over it.

Well unfortunately, he didn’t. He ended up following me, and all the while I’m thinking, “Is this really happening? Is this guy really following me?” When it became clear to me he was, I decided that rather than head home (which is where I was originally heading), I headed back to my office building, which has a security guard stationed at the entrance [in hindsight, I should have headed straight to the nearest police department while dialing 9-1-1, but hindsight’s great that way].

Once I got to the office, jumped out of my car and headed inside to the security desk, the guy finally sped out of there – all the while cursing me, and finally screaming out his window, “I’ll find you.”

The second guessing

Almost as soon as the incident was over, I began to second-guess my actions. First was my initial and continuing disbelief that this was really happening. That some nutjob was first getting out of his van at an intersection to scream at me through the drivers side window, and then that the nutjob actually continued to follow me.

Second was my panicked choice to drive to my place of work once I realized that he was, in fact, following me, where he could certainly find my car and possibly wait for me at some later date with who knows what intentions.

Third was my decision to not be more aggressive with him when he first approached my window, letting him “see” my handgun and forcefully telling him to “back off.”

Situational awareness is the key

The first issue, that disbelief that this was actually happening, is actually very common.

In the aftermath of public shooting incidents, survivors will often say they thought the noise they heard was fireworks or backfiring, rather than recognizing immediately that the noise was gunfire. There’s an initial disbelief that their worst nightmare could actually be happening. This to me is key to the mindset question – it’s being in the “yellow” state of situational awareness and moving rapidly to red as required.

As for my choice of driving to where I work, I think it’s related to the state of disbelief and panic I was feeling because of my lack of proper situational awareness.

I admit I was only thinking partially clearly in that moment. At least I didn’t drive to my home, I drove to somewhere where I knew there would be people, but I could have picked a less identifiable option than the place I work if I had been more calm and had been able to focus and reason.

As for the third, I still believe I did the right thing by trying to de-escalate the situation rather than escalate it by exposing my handgun. The guy was clearly enraged, and who knows if he, too was carrying and if that would have just set him off? Also, I did not at that moment fear for my life, even though I was scared.

One of the 4 Rules of Gun Safety is never let your muzzle cross anything you do not want to destroy. I felt I was in the “safety” of my locked car at a very public (and crowded) intersection. Right or wrong, it was what I believed in the moment.

In the end, I was able to learn a lesson about myself and my need to focus on improving my situational awareness and mindset. It’s one thing to talk about it, it’s another to practice and live it. I’m working on the latter.

Tell me about your experiences in the comments below.

Some additional reading:

6 thoughts on “Do you have the mindset for concealed carry?

  1. Wow, how terrifying. While you can endlessly argue what you should have done or not done (and no doubt people will), you did what you thought was right at the time, and in this case, it was right. You don’t know how crazy the crazy guy was and as you mentioned, whether he was armed. I’m curious, did you report it to the police?

    • Thanks Candy. Yes I did report it to the police, but unfortunately without a license plate or other identifying info in the van (it was unmarked) there wasn’t anything they could do.

  2. This is why i am going to buy a non lethal paintball gun. Yes, just buy the tippmann tipx pistol and buy some 10x pepper rounds or some pure rubber rounds. wont kill him but sure in the heck will leave a mark. total cost is about $200

  3. Christa says:

    I had a similar experience happen to me when I was in college. The maniac kept threatening me & hitting/kicking my car. I wish I would have called 911, but I was in shock. I did the same a you, tried to not let the situation escalate. I just kept saying I’m sorry sir I didn’t see you. I honestly hope now that I’m older and more confident I will do the same & not flash my gun, but I WILL NOT be a timid teen again and let them get by with it, I will call 911. I also pray that I never have to flash my gun, but it’s a scary world we live in…

  4. Jen says:

    It is crazy how many times this happens to women. I once had an older man in a convertible come and call me the C words and scream that he would kill me because I didn’t turn right at a red light that had a no turn on red sign. Seriously. I wasn’t even in the wrong and the guy wanted to kill me! I was maybe 21 and he was at least 60. It was nuts.

    Another time, a guy on a motorecycle tailgated me on the way to a wedding. It was frustrating because I know how easy it is for cyclists to get hurt, so I waved for him to back off. Again, it was in my 20s, and he was a middle aged man. He flew around me, parked his bike in front of me, and came to my window to cuss me out.

    It’s a crazy world we live in. Especially.for women!

Leave a Reply